


Antimatter

by petrichor_cookies



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Confidence, Exes, F/F, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Implied/Referenced, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Light Angst, Maybe? Not really, Panic Attacks, Second Chances, Self-Esteem Issues, to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26582473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petrichor_cookies/pseuds/petrichor_cookies
Summary: She might end up telling Sana her name. And they might end up kissing. But it’s okay – they’re both young and dumb.Or: Mina is at a party she doesn't even want to be at and falls in love.
Relationships: Minatozaki Sana/Myoui Mina
Comments: 12
Kudos: 32





	1. starts like this

It starts like this:  
Mina makes her way through the crowd, pink nails grabbing her cup a little too tightly. There are sweaty bodies all around her and the scent of too much perfume in her nose. Her dark hair is a mess and she’s more than a little tipsy, but Mina doesn’t really care. She finds a door, clumsily pushes against the handle and inhales deeply when the cold air hits her skin. Mina looks around and laughs a little because this fancy house with the party is such a cliché. She’s standing in a small inside pool. In the middle of the house. It doesn’t have the best lighting but she doesn’t mind it and just pulls of her heels to dip her toes into the water. A little cold, but nice. The room is oddly quiet – she can still hear the pounding of the bass but all the voices are just a whisper behind thick walls. In fact, it’s so quiet that she can hear the light footsteps coming closer. Mina curls into herself because she knows she’s not supposed to be here but doesn’t pull her toes out of the water. And then there’s a face with dark eyes right in front of her and wild curls tickle her jaw. “Hi”, she says. “I’m Sana.”  
(She might end up telling Sana her name. And they might end up kissing. But it’s okay – they’re both young and dumb.)

It continues like this:  
They see each other again. And if they didn’t do much talking the first and last time they met, they do now. Sana and her go out for coffee and ice cream and they bicker and Mina loves all of it. It all happens in a blur, like the city through the windows of a speeding car looks. Mina knows it’s all stolen little glances and touches and stolen time and she knows they shouldn’t. But they do. Somewhere down the line, they end up lying in Sana’s backyard, hand in hand, watching the stars. Sana points out constellations and Mina smiles because she knows she’ll have forgotten all of them by tomorrow. She buries her nose in Sana’s curls. She smells like vanilla and the grass they’re lying on. And when their lips meet, they both smile into the kiss. It’s all the little moments and words and gasps and then it’s three little words and Mina has never been this happy before.  
So of course she knows what will happen next.  
(In a way, she’s known all along because she sees the way Sana looks at her and she knows it’s not the same way she looks at Sana.)

It ends like this:  
Mina is on the dirty floor and cries. Sana is not here, she’s not crying and probably kissing some other girl right now. The thought hurts more than it should considering they’re freshly broken up. Mina desperately wants to be angry, but she just can’t. She knows they were never meant to be but it hurts to see it end like this. And Mina hates herself for crying, she really does, because she knows Sana won’t shed a single tear over her. It’s pathetic. But she just can’t stop crying. She holds onto the pain, clutches it to her chest with her pink nails because she knows when she lets go she’ll have to face a world without Sana. Mina shivers and she’s sure it’s not just because of the temperature. She hastily wipes away the tears when she hears footstep on the concrete floor. She looks up.  
There’s a girl in front of Mina. She’s beautiful and smiles brightly.

(It ends like this, but something else starts like this:  
There’s a girl in front of Mina. She’s beautiful and smiles brightly.)


	2. continues like

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is for that one person that wanted a happy ending because  
> \- you were really nice about it  
> \- i too love sana too much for this and love heas so here you go i guess?

It starts like this:  
The girl’s name is Jihyo and she’s kind in a way Mina wishes she could be. Mina is hesitant to take her number, and then hesitant to tell her about her day at university and then hesitant to come over and meet Jihyo’s friends, because it all just seems so perfect. She’s never been good at opening up and maybe that last part of her trickled out of her like her tears did.  
She feels empty, and maybe a little broken. But she’s willing to try and fill herself up again. So she smiles at Jihyo’s friends and they make it easy to grow attached. There’s Momo, who cracks stupid jokes and Nayeon, who’s loud and confident and Dahyun, who maybe even gets it. And when she sits there, surrounded by people that promise not to leave, Mina starts to realize that she doesn’t need to fill herself up. No matter how empty she feels, there’s a Mina that can exist outside of Sana and constellations and swimming pools. She understands now.  
She’ll be okay, and the only person who can fix her is herself. It’s a good feeling, even though the pain still overwhelms her on some days and Jihyo has to remind her how to breathe.  
(Because now she understands that she was so focused on Sana’s existence, on her place next to her, that she never really knew her, not in any way that mattered.)

It continues like this:  
They see each other again. In a way, it was unavoidable, maybe because of their friend groups and proximity, but maybe because they just seem to gravitate towards each other. Mina is proud of herself for meeting Sana’s eyes, even though they’re still so deep and dark it hurts. They talk, and Sana says things that Mina hates, but really needs to hear. She never cheated, Sana says, when the sun starts to hide behind the fine lines of the trees. She realizes now that she didn’t love Mina the way she should have, Sana says and Mina thinks of salty popcorn and kisses and chlorine and short days and long nights. Sana’s love had hurt her like nothing else, but she had also loved Mina in a way even she herself couldn’t most days. What other way is there to love? And then Sana says she’s sorry, which is the worst of all. Mina still can’t bring herself to hate her first real love, but now she’s two shaky breaths away from forgiving Sana, and that’s just not okay. She’s worked hard to love herself without someone else to do it for her and she can’t let Sana ruin this.  
That’s what she tells herself, at least.  
(But deep down she knows that she’s not strong enough to say no to someone she shares so many memories with. Maybe Sana knows it too.)

It could end like this:  
They’ve started spending time, tentatively. Momo calls it “hanging out”, Dahyun calls it “masochism”. They’re in one of the art rooms, Mina’s watching Sana paint a guitar she stole from the music room and she wonders if it felt like this the first time around. The afternoon is starting to die, and the light hits Sana perfectly, highlights her profile and turns her eyes into pools of liquid chocolate. It makes Mina feel a little breathless, in a way she doesn’t necessarily like. She’s been sleeping less, she notes distractedly. Since Sana’s re-entered her life, it feels like she’s constantly waiting, like she’s on the platform with flowers and waiting for the catastrophe to arrive. Maybe she’s being unfair, Sana isn’t actually a bad person, she’s just bad for Mina, but still. She can see it in her head: Sana will lean in, hold her gaze with invisible ropes, kiss her and ask Mina to let herself be ruined once again. And she won’t say no, won’t even think about it.  
(But it doesn’t end like this.)

Instead, the only thing that ends is the endless limbo, and it ends like this:  
Sana says she want to be good for Mina. She wants them to get to know each other. Take it slow. Keep it platonic if that makes Mina more comfortable.  
(She wants to be friends. For now, Sana says.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly can't tell if i made it better or worse


	3. ends (it doesn't)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear the hardest part of writing f/f is the pronouns god  
> feels like every 2nd word is 'sana'  
> anyways this was a short but nice ride, see u soon (or maybe not, we'll see)

It starts like this:  
She falls into being friends with Sana so quickly she feels a little dizzy. One second she’s that ex her friends avoid bringing up and the next she’s the girl that send her texts just to make sure she’s okay, the girl that bring her food after a long day of classes, the girl that hugs her in celebration or in comfort depending on what Mina needs. It should be awkward, to go from strangers to lovers to broken to friends with a promise of more. It’s not. The rhythm of them, together, seems like an ancient rule everyone unknowingly respects. The cadence of Sana back in her life comes as naturally as Mina’s heartbeat. In a way, she never wants this to end, but she’s always aware of the unspoken ‘for now’ between them. And, truth be told, Mina would drop the platonic label in a heartbeat. Maybe the Sana under flashing lights and suburban stars didn’t deserve Mina’s trust, but the Sana who looks at her like she’s the most precious thing does. And this Mina, who knows she’s somebody, who has Jihyo and Dahyun and Momo and Nayeon, who can finally trust herself, could love her.  
She’s not scared of falling.  
(Sana wants them to take it slow, but Mina still knows that she’d be at the foot of the cliff, arms outstretched to catch her.)

It continues like this:  
The day feels like it’s been dipped into an indie film aesthetic, like there’s a filter over the world, softening the edges and making all the colours more glamorous. They’re taking a break from the city for the weekend, Mina and all the people she loves. They’ve parked their car next to a lavender field. The smell is very strong, Mina will probably end up with a headache. She’s too content to move though, with Jihyo laughing about Momo’s jokes, Nayeon looking so young and carefree, Dahyun taking photo after photo of them all, and Sana right next to her, an arm around her bare shoulder. For a second, time seems to stop. There’s no future and there doesn’t need to be. Right there, life really is that simple. The sun grows lazier with them, warming their skin and melting the stress like candle wax. Mina can almost feel it dripping off her shoulders. Sana’s hair is tickling her nose. She still smells like vanilla, but Mina doesn’t care. The Mina and the Sana right here, bathed in light and the scent of lavender are two new people. Two people that are so close to falling in love again that any gentle breeze could push them over the edge. The warm wind hits Mina’s skin and she turns her head and moves in, closer and even impossibly closer.  
(They might end up kissing. But it’s more than okay – it’s sweet, but mostly relief, like Mina didn’t even know she was holding her breath all along.)

It ends like this:  
The future is uncertain, as it tends to be. Mina kind of thinks she’s alright with that for now. She knows she can trust Sana to stay, but even if she doesn’t Mina will still be there. In the end, she got her heart broken, got the girl and got to know Myoui Mina.  
She’s sure there’s more she could ask for. She doesn’t really want to.  
Right now she’s okay with just continuing.

(It doesn’t.)


End file.
